Look at this, I go out of my way for a chance to help friends save hundreds of dollars and myself lose up to $2,000, just to get hit with a jab like this:http://ryan-the-great.livejournal.com/78543.html
Just as an update, I will be putting the PS3s on EBAY in about an hour. The market value is a bit random right now, and one day it is worth $1,200 and the next day, $1,000, and back again, so I'm putting them up now. Sorry if I got anyone's hopes up. For once, I'm actually thinking about myself.
Linda had a great quote that she posted on here some time back, where she basically said that she was so sick and tired of getting taken advantage of that she would no longer give the shirt off her back to help someone "in need". The thing about Linda is that she expects everyone to be as good hearted and generous as her and only expect favours when they actually tried their best themselves not to need them, and actually truly do need them. That's not the case of course, and some people will take advantage of somebody in a flash.
Two weeks ago, my cousin who lives out of town told me that he needed $1,000 for an unspecified emergency. I kept on saying no, and he kept pushing matters. Finally I said ok, and offered to wire him the money through online banking. Low and behold, he didn't have a bank account. I then said he could come down here to get the money - nope, not possible for whatever reason. At that point I just said no, and he kept telling me of the urgency of the situation. He pushed me to come down to visit the family and lend him the money. I figured it would be $1,000 loss but for a good cause and I could at least visit my other cousins. The next day, he let the cat out of the bag that he spent a huge amount of money on his girlfriend to rectify a fight they had been in. My uncle asked him where he got the money from, and my cousin went mute.
He actually had the nerve to blame it on roid rage too - as if being lied to and having a relationship and trust totally destroyed isn't grounds to snap. I yelled at him so much and the pollution over there was so strong, that I went home that night and came down with pneumonia. I get sick maybe four times a decade and I had never been so sick in my life. I went to the gym on Monday to see how things were, only to find that I lost 12 pounds of body weight and half an inch on my arms and my bench press went from 350 to 320. Then I see Peter squatting 500 pounds for reps and realize what I had - what I was willing to sacrifice to help someone "in need" - I lost $1,000 and a lot more by contracting an illness to help a friend "in need". Never again.
Last year someone asked to borrow $900 for rent. I asked if it would be reasonable to ask for interest for the loan. Some people said "I wouldn't charge interest" - the same people who would never lend the money out to begin with. Yet I am the bad guy for asking for $5 interest which didn't even cover the money that I lost had I applied that $900 to pre-existing debts. I lost money to help someone and was apparently in the wrong to try to curb my losses. I was the only person willing to help when all of his family and friends did not, and yet I was in the wrong to simply ask for something that any reasonable person would have offered anyway. In such an emergency, I would feel horrible for not openly GIVING the person $100 extra on top of the loan. I would never need to be asked for $5, I would have enough respect and courtesy to offer far more than that to begin with.
So the same guy came back in September with another "rent emergency". He needed a similar loan to pay first and last month's rent before his OSAP came in. I had Currie set the terms which was the best thing I ever did. All in all I would lend the money - IF he was willing to pay the same interest rate that VISA charged him. I didn't WANT to lend the money. I didn't want to be had again just because this guy couldn't take care of himself. Where were his parents? Where were his closer friends? Clearly they didn't want to help, so how was it my obligation? It wasn't, and if I was going to help, it would be on my terms.
My mother's family was physically and verbally abused by their father. I have no love for my grandfather, who has 0 remorse for what he did. If you beat your wife and kids you're a piece of shit in my book, family or not. One of my uncles grew up always on the defensive because of it. He would never tolerate mistreatment or being taken advantage of by people because of how his father treated him. I think he is a good guy, and I don't think there is anything wrong with watching out for yourself. My other uncle on the other hand, grew up always trying to help people in need - of course the type of people who he helped, the kinds who appear to be "in need", only walked on him and abused him his entire life. What's more sad - at age 38, he died of cancer
, having been taken advantage of and used by these scumbags all the way up until his death.
When I came down with the pneumonia, I still went to school before I was diagnosed. When I got there, I had almost every worker at the cafeteria personally serving me. One went so far as to actually go to the other cafeteria to get me chicken noodle soup and bring it to me. She also brought orange juice from home for me because she was concerned I would catch more germs drinking OJ from the public tap. For dinner, I came late and all of the chocolate brownies were eaten which is my favourite dessert. Low and behold, another one of the workers actually had put aside a brownie for me in the fridge because there were none left. Talk about heartwarming. I never felt so loved in my life, and in general, I feel a lot of love by the people around me.
I would say that for my age I'm ahead of the game of life. Most people twice my age would be happy to be where I am. To be honest, I don't even care if I improve on anything from this day forward. I want to stay exactly as I am right now for as long as possible - though if I improve and if things get better - great. What I'm saying is that after years of work, I'm finally exactly where I want to be. If anything, I fear regressing because I've really found my groove. But one thing I've never learned was how to exercise any discretion when sharing my generosity with others. There is nothing wrong with the gem "Do Unto Others As You Would Want Them Do Unto You", and there is a lot right with it. The key is doing unto the RIGHT kind of people. People who are actually friends. The workers in the cafeteria are the type of people I should be helping out. Instead, all my life I've helped mostly the wrong people - people who would take the food off my plate if given the chance. People who are so selfish they spent 110% of their money to support themselves and their hobbies and had no gratitude whatsoever for any help I had ever given them. If you put yourself in a bad spot due to your own stupidity and ignorance and lack of effort, I'm not going to help. Because in reality, I'm not helping - I'm enabling more of the same bad behaviour which got you there to begin with. If on the other hand, you're out there trying your best, making every possible effort to do what you can to make the best of your situation, you can bet I will help.
50/50 is the ONLY way relationships should be. What I try to do is seek out relationships with people with that same mentality. Then I try to give 60 to balance things out and make sure it is 50/50. If you try to even give 50 to the wrong person, you end up giving 100 and getting nothing in return except for abuse.
The lesson I learned from this is to only help the right people. The self abusive, self destructive, selfish types can starve on the street corner for all I care. I definitely am not going to enable their bad behaviour. From now on, I will only help the right people. If you expect more than 50% in a relationship, you need to take a good look in the mirror and realize how incredibly selfish you are. From now on, these types of people have no place in my life.